I didnt start the 2009 year wif a bang. And neither did I usher year 2009 in wif much realization.
Started work today after a 9-day long leave period. After that mj session and tele-conversation wif liping last nite, I almost couldnt make it out of bed this morning. I still did - wif some help, and one huge mug of coffee.
Hung out at
Bar Stop! wif Ryan and our NTU mates after work to just relax and chill. Kinda amazing how all of us can still turn up even at the last min arrangement. Still very much our favourite chilling out place. =)
And I was the earliest to leave.. Didnt wanna drink too much as I was driving. And the zzz monster was creeping into me anyway.
Drove home, blasting my music (as usual) - wif my windows down. Didnt know why, but I wanted to feel the strong wind blowing hard at my face. And to let my hair down, letting them fly all over - like I was trying to seek peace and solace from within. Thoughts just come floating into my mind.. I soon found myself looking back at 2008 again.
For a period, I was quite adversely affected, endlessly questioning myself as I struggled to reconcile others' hurtful impressions of me with my own conscience. Trying to understand how entire notions of myself were created without any input from me was arguably the most emotionally taxing effort of the entire year. My faith in people was shaken and grounded again, and I would like to think I have grown stronger for that - I hope.
2008 was a year for introspection as well; with all the efforts mentioned before, plenty of time was spent looking within, comparing and contrasting my perceived self, expressed self and inner self. I considered their ever differing thoughts on matters, and wondered how others' opinions of me modified ever so slightly depending on which identity they interacted with. I was (and still am) curious to know how others viewed me as a person, wanting to explore the areas where people agreed and the qualities they were more divided on.
Or maybe I should just stop caring abt how people view me.. I will be happier in this way.
Will 2009 be a better year for me?Labels: friends, updates
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