Sometimes I wonder...
... If my heart is dead. *horror gasps!!*
Been asked "
the question" a million times these few days during CNY visiting. Been advised a billion times to lower my criteria. Been instructed a zillion times not to turn up alone next CNY. Okay. I shall try my best - My answer back to them.
Of course I'm stressed. Why not? Especially when my age crawls nearer to the digit 30.
Wif VDay inching nearer, friends have started asking wif WHOM am I going to spend
theday wif. Seriously, I do hope to spend the day alone. I dun wish to commit to any of them. They may be of good calibre, and they have really shown much patience. Not that I havent tried, but my heart doesnt seem to be able to open up to them at all. *pouts mouth*
Sometimes, I wish that I can be left alone. Ya, just alone. Take for example today - I meant to just stay at home to rest, alone. To have my "alone time". BUT I've got calls and sms coming in as early as since 6 plus am today! Yes - you know who you are. *grins* Ended up CNY visiting at a colleague's place and I still ended up at the MJ table la. *pouts mouth again* Ended up, I blew away a surprise, a dinner appointment, a movie request and another night MJ session. Ya, I disappointed 4 people today. And I'm running the risk of chasing away the potential beaus.
Conclusion. I'm probably not ready for any new relationship now. Or maybe, I just havent met the right one yet.
Or maybe, my heart is already dead...
Labels: CNY, love, mj
The Thing About MJ-ing...
I really used to detest, hate and boycott people who plays MJ. Cos I really had a few bad experiences in within my family and extended family that made me feel that way. Believe it or not, I was the ONLY one among all my family and relatives who didnt know how to play, and didnt want to pick it up. Even to the extent that I didnt even allow "the older one" to pick it up at all.
Well, I guess, things do go round and round. By accident, or in purpose, I started to grab a chair, sat myself beside my bro during CNY this year 2008, and Viola! I felt my interest kicking in, and found myself being inquisitive abt MJ. Bro started to be sarcastic and chided me off in wanted to learn how to play. *Heh*
And I did wonder for quite some time, whether karma was like happening to me? But in any way, admittedly, MJ was something that helped me tide thru my rough and tough times when I broke off wif "the older one" in Feb this year. I spent my weekends MJ-ing wif my mummy, bro and relatives, and sometimes, a few colleagues and frens. Time really passed fast enough when you're MJ-ing. And when you're into the game, you're almost oblivious to your torturing and haunting thoughts of the sad stuff. It was sort of, something that I so-called indulged in when I wanted to escape from everything else...
So, in a way, I guess, thats how the bonding between me and MJ came about. It was something that tided me over my rough times, albeit my frens and family members who were there for me. And each time I have flashbacks on the things that happened from Feb 2008 till Aug 2008, I shudder at the every thought of it.
If you were to ask me, am I addicted to MJ? No. I wouldnt say I'm addicted to it, like I cant live without it. But MJ is something that has been part of my life, and I enjoy it. Yes, Enjoy is the correct word. It aint easy getting 4 players at any pt of time, to commit to a few hours of MJ-ing. And it aint even easier to get a place where someone gotta lend his/her space for that few hours of MJ-ing.
For people who doesnt play MJ, and for people who try to stop others from playing MJ, I know how it feels. And I wont expect them to know how it feels. Cos I have been thru that stage, and I totally know how it feels. Just like the way I detest and loathe it when my bro or dad brings backs frens to play at home.
So, if you were to ask me, will I give up MJ for my loved one? The answer is no. Not that it aint worth it. But I feel that, my loved one shouldnt be asking me to give up something that I enjoy.
It just aint right...
P/S. I've decided to remove my chatterbox for some reasons.. =)Labels: mj
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